Atkins

In the next incarnation, I am definitely going to be born skinny. I have fought the "weight problem"my entire life.
Recently, my doctor put me on a modified "Atkins Diet." I hate my doctor!

Wasting (Or Is It Waisting) Away!

                This Atkins Diet leaves no Doubt,
                "Eat Fats and Proteins! Carbs are out!"
                Just how it works, no Body knows,
                You must stay on it till Hell snows!

                The Doctor said my Weight’s too high,
                Blood Sugar Levels hit the Sky;
                It’s Meat, Cheese, Fish until you scream,
                No Bread! No Apples! No Ice Cream!

                The Pizza, Pasta that I crave,
                Could lead me to an early Grave;
                But Fried Eggs with Bacon everyday,
                Would keep that "Reaper", grim, away!

                My Treadmill never seems to stop,
                It's Exercise until you drop;
                You've heard that Thirst can bring on Fear,
                Now I'm afraid to drink a Beer!

                With three more Notches on my Belt,
                My Wife says I will look quite svelte;
                The daily Menu is to dread,
                They told me, “Get thin or you're dead!”

                There's too much Fat, Cholesterol,
                Less Fruit or Veggies, if at all;
                This whole damn Diet's so complex,
                God knows about the "Side Effects!"

                To lose the Weight you must not cheat,
                Still how much Steak can one Man eat;
                Though if you want to stay content,
                Just take a Fiber Supplement!

                This Diet’s better than it sounds,
                In ten Weeks I’ve lost forty Pounds;
                I’m pleased so far but yet I know,
                I’ve still got twenty Pounds to go!

                What more is there for me to say,
                I hope my Excess melts away;
                And yet I know exactly why,
                There are some Folks who’d rather die!

                               "This is what can happen if you
                                         don't stay on the damn diet!"

Click Image To Return To Contents Page